For a few terrifying moments on the evening of this past Thursday night, Thanksgiving night, my heart stopped.  

And the hearts of my entire extended family.  Stopped.  Our breath came to a collective catch and we held it, listening, blood pounding in our ears.  

We had finished the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, the back field had been walked,  Sugar Creek was flowing through the sycamores at the back of the property as pretty as a picture and I was feeling so blessed!  My brother and sister and their families, my children, my parents, my grandchildren, nieces, nephews.  Rarely since Dave joined the military had there been so many of us here at the same time!

We had begun to pack up kids into car seats and left-overs into Tupperware for the short trips to our own homes.  My husband and brother left to return folding chairs to my Grammaw's party barn and my niece Jeni, and her husband Lee, along with their little family had left a few minutes before to begin the long drive back to the Lafayette area.

 Then the phone rang.    

There had been a head-on collision on 252, less than 3 miles away, and it was Jeni and Lee.  Our hearts stopped.  Our breath caught.  The busy, noisy, happy, house full of family fell silent and we strained to listen above the pounding  in our ears, dreading what we would hear.  Every eye glued on my mother with the phone to her ear, her face drained of color.

 Although it's just a stretch of two lane country road, we all knew how dangerous State Road 252 can be.  My grade school principal, Don DeHart, one of the truly nicest people I had ever known, had been killed in a head-on crash on that road a few short years ago and the community was devastated.  I thought of his family in that brief moment when time moves in slow motion and we waited for mom to relay the rest of the news.....they are ok!  They are ok!  We breathe.  In unison, we exhale, then breathe deep with tears stinging our eyes  as we whisper prayers of thanks.  They are ok!

As it turns out, Jeni, who was driving, is a black belted ninja master of defensive driving. (who knew?!)  She saw the oncoming driver drifting into her lane and began moving over to avoid him.  They ended up in the ditch with their car scraped all down the driver's side but, instead of the head-on that was initially reported, it was just a really bad side-swipe and no injuries.  The car behind them took the head-on but that family will be ok also.  God is so merciful!

I guess it's natural to reflect during this holiday and mentally check off all those things you are thankful for but, I'm afraid that I often do this in a rather distracted manner.   Events like last Thursday's scare, tend to wake me up from my everyday fog of life and reminds me how much I truly have to be thankful for.    I pray that I would always be grateful and aware of each blessing.  That I would be able to "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)  I have a good example to look to.

I almost never talk to my Grammaw without her telling me of how she has been blessed.  She gives examples and tells stories of how God has provided for her.  Grammaw was a foster child because her mother died when Grammaw was 5 months old and her father could not care for his small children.  But, even as a child, long before she knew Him, she can look back now and see God's hand in her life and is grateful for His protection and providence.  She regularly stops mid-story to thank Him for her memories because they remind her of how God has cared for her all her life. When I listen to her stories and her thankfulness, I too am thankful for her memories.  And I always leave her house thanking God for the every day blessings that I may have overlooked before.

So, on that day of Thanksgiving, I thanked God for his protection.  For the blessing of my extended, loud family.  I prayed for Mr. DeHart's family, who celebrate holidays without him now.  And I prayed that I can make it a habit to always see the blessing of God's provision in the midst of the business of life and always be aware that, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning..." (Lamentations 3:22-23a)

Our pastor at Trinity shared some wonderful news with us one Sunday as he introduced an elderly gentleman who was joining our church.  He had just been saved about a month before, and I had heard about it, (after all, it isnt every day that a 94 year old man accepts Christ!) but I hadnt heard all of the story.

This man was born and raised in another faith but had never truly heard the Gospel.  His wife, a christian, had been praying for his salvation for 58 years.  Let me say that again, FIFTY EIGHT years!  They are old now and surely she may have feared that she could pass on first and never see God move in  her husband's heart but, she kept praying. She trusted God when he says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."   How wonderful the blessings God has for us in HIS time!

Our pastor posed this question to the congregation,

 "Can you trust God, even if you are NEVER given the 'why' of it?"    

Imagine that. Trusting without EVER, in this world, knowing the plan! In the finiteness of our human minds we pretend to trust God, believing He will reveal His purpose over a period of time. But, what if  'in His time' means long after our death?  Or twenty years from now?  Or next month? What if, instead of having clear assurance of a favorable, tangible outcome, we have no indication that our prayers will be answered with anything but, "Wait."?  What if, in fact, we are pretty sure we WONT live to see the fullness of His plan?  Do you snatch up your ball and refuse to play any more?  Or do you stay in the game, and choose to trust Him even when there is no earthly benefit that you can perceive?  Trusting Him only because He is God and because His glory is more important. No matter the outcome?   Do we really believe His glory is more important than anything we may ask for? 

I knew my answer as soon as the question was given but most of us DONT.

I had been given the mixed blessing of the deepest despair paired with the profound peace that God graces his children with in their need.  The grace that allows us to shelter ourselves behind the shield of faith and KNOW that, no matter what happens, God is faithful.  How amazing to KNOW that even if we dont get the answer to prayer that we would like, God assures us that all things will STILL "work together for good, to those who love God and are called according to his purpose!"

There is deep peace in trusting God. REALLY trusting him.  Peace in resting all your faith on Him even when you see no way for the outcome to be favorable for you.  Even when you are fairly certain that you may never see the desire of your heart fulfilled in this life and it's still okay! And  not just peace but JOY and peace!  Imagine that!  Joy in your deepest despair! 

I've been so blessed to have been given an opportunity in my life to personally see that peace, but some wouldn't see it that way.  Two and a half years ago, God used the worse time of my life to teach me to trust him.  I mean REALLY trust him!  To let go of everything I had made important in order to make HIM important.  To teach me that He is truly sovereign, and that he truly DOES work all things together for good.  To remind me to trust him and that he will "guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus" (Phil 4:6&7).  No matter the earthly outcome.

I wont lie, it's not an easy journey.  It generally begins in the deepest, darkest despair with no glimmer of hope that we can see but, as a friend of mine reminded me recently,  when Joseph's brothers threw him into the pit and discussed how to rid themselves of him....the camels of the Ishmaelite traders were already on their way! (Gen 37:23-28)  It must have seemed a weak reprieve to be sold into slavery rather than killed but God's plan is always bigger and grander than we can see in our human constraints.